Katy J Simpson's Funny Blog

Insensitive?

2006-07-28T16:08:00.000-07:00

Women can be so insensitive...

Ed returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ed asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"

Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die?"

She says, "Of course, dear." And they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep.

Ed, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to only 4 more hours. He taps his wife, and rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours, do you think we could..."?

At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Ed, I have to get up in the morning... You don't."

Found a joke feed but not telling you what it is

2006-06-15T02:45:00.000-07:00

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in the pints, and were stuck in the thick heads.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!"

Never to hit the news stands anywhere

2006-06-15T02:39:00.000-07:00

I had to do a double take, and sure enough...

...it was Stachmo

I think you're the father of one of my kids.

2006-06-15T02:37:00.000-07:00

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you Know me?" To which she replies, "I think your the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my ass???" She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."